Sometimes in life, you just feel out of it.
When somebody really gets to you – maybe a loved one, maybe your boss – it shakes up your system.
We get angry or desperate, and It sets up the whole mood, maybe even ruins our whole day.
When that happens, we feel like the world is out to get us and all of that is happening to annoy us.
But when you are challenged, theres no point in blaming others or feeling bad for yourself. When you hold on to that anger and frustration, you will pass it on into your life and relationships without the actual bad feeling decreasing. When you decide that It’s everybody else’s fault, you take yourself out of the construct of cause and effect; that way, it’s easier to blame everyone else, but that way, you also make it impossible to take charge of your situation and change it; you give over all of your power to outer circumstances.
When we take time to sit and watch the ripples of strong emotions fade, we’re able to tap into what’s in our truth, and why we’re so upset.
Here’s an action plan for you to move through whatever challenge you might be facing – focused on a healthy outcome for you and everybody else involved.
Accept & Surrender
This doesn’t mean you simply lie down and accept your misery. It’s not about turning the other cheek. Instead, accepting the truth of your situation gives you the first opportunity to access it. This applies in relationships, work environments, your health, and pretty much every situation there is. Take some time to see the truth of what is, without judging and evaluating, and simply observe how things are.
Once you accepted the circumstances, you can start to evaluate them.
Evaluate
Now that you’re completely honest with yourself about your situation and your feelings about it, you can start asking yourself what parts of my situation are under my control and what is beyond it?
Sometimes in life, we face situations that just are what they are, and all you can do is to adjust your mindset about it.
In this case, it might be of great relief to access your feelings of attachment and resistance. Remember that eventually, you will have to let go of everything (good and bad), and that it’s completely safe for you to do so.
But if your situation allows adjustments, write down first what parts of your situation create discomfort. If you’re not sure on how to figure that out, take a piece of paper and write down all factors of your situation or relationship and take a minute to envision each single one. Close your eyes and watch the feelings that come up. The thoughts that arise. watch if you start tightening your muscles, and if your stomach reacts.
Access
So you have a list of all things bothersome. Great!
Now you can start writing down three things to all of them:
- The „reasonable“ reaction (this can be what others expect from you)
- The emotional reaction (running away, punching that person on the nose, you know what I mean.)
- The desired outcome of your action taking
By the time you’re done with that, you will see the contrast between these things, and how the first two are probably counterproductive to the outcome you wish for.
Plan
For challenging situations, I have a credo that I’m passing on to you now. You might have heard it before, but it carries essential power.
Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
Take your desired outcome and think of what you can do to achieve it. Try to stay compassionate with other people involved and consider that they might react emotional and reactive.
In my experience, sharing a piece of your vulnerability and truth goes a long way. It helps the other person understand you better and open up to you – instead of trying to push your interest ‚just because‘.
Writing down all steps you want to take, all the things you want to say and all tactics for all eventualities takes away a big load of anxiety. When you know what you’ll do in your worst-case-scenario, nothing can tackle you off your feet.
Let Go
Now you’ve done all your homework. All is prepared, and you prepared yourself for all possible outcomes.
Close the book, close the door, take a bath, go for a walk, and make peace with the things ahead of you; what ever happens, happens.
I hope whatever struggle you find yourself in, this helps you to feel better.
Much love & Light,
Louella
